My personal and honest opinion is yes (and that’s not just because I’m a couples therapist either 😉). Couples therapy is by far one of the best investments you can make for yourself and your relationship. Not only will your relationship grow closer, more intimate and connected, but you’ll also learn so much about yourself.
Even though you’re in couples therapy, you’ll also unpack and process why you show up the way you do in your relationships and where those behaviors and triggers stem from.
This knowing and self-awareness is pivotal to enhancing communication with your partner. That self-awareness allows partners to break out of stuck patterns and fighting cycles that couples will often find themselves in.
So, here are some things to consider when asking yourself, “should we start couples therapy”?
Are you in, or about to experience, a life change/transition?
Regardless if the life transition is an exciting one (expanding your family, moving into a home, getting married etc.), a transition means change and adjustment. A lot of couples find difficulty navigating transitions and the challenges of adjusting to a new normal.
Sometimes adjusting to a new normal brings up anxiety, triggers, or tension. When left unaddressed, concerns and feelings can spiral into resentment. Starting therapy during a life change opens lines of communication by tapping into what’s being left unsaid. Oftentimes, we’re not even realizing what’s going on with us internally when going through a change. Couples therapy helps the couple slow down and focus to effectively move through feeling stuck.
Do you feel stuck in a constant cycle of fighting and making up?
Like mentioned previously, it’s common for couples to get stuck in a cycle or dance of fighting. I help the couples I see work on uncovering what their specific style of fighting is and what each of their roles are in it.
It’s hard once you’re in the thick of it to really understand what’s going on and how you’re influencing one another. If you find yourselves stuck in an endless pattern of fighting, therapy can be great in minimizing the fights and creating a new, more healthy dynamic.
Are you struggling with communication?
Communication issues is probably the number one reason couples are meeting with me. Under this broad umbrella of communication though, there are different variations of what that actually means specific to each couple.
For most people, whether they realize it or not, the goal in working on communicating better is to feel seen, understood, and heard. When those things aren’t present, communication will almost always feel problematic and lead to disagreements.
When I work with couples, I help them: a) identify what their core concern is, b) identify the feeling that is coming up for them, and c) present it and share it with their partner in a way that they’re able to hear it and tune into them.
Practicing this formula in and out of sessions allows for the communication in the relationship to improve and for each person to feel valued, listened to, and understood.
Do you want to work through minor concerns so they don’t snowball?
Believe it or not, there are couples out there who do a pretty good job of managing the bigger issues (or so it seems). They feel connected, committed, and aligned most of the time.
However, they want to work through any hiccups that they might have that get in the way, or could get in the way, of their deeper intimacy. Therapy for them is about deepening the connection they already have and solidifying that connection.
Are you looking to change or expand on what the relationship started out as?
This question is referencing either going from monogamy to non-monogamy or vice versa. More and more couples are exploring the boundaries of themselves and their relationships outside of the box that society has given us. Because of this, exploring these conversations within therapy can be a game changer. Having a safe space to talk through and about topics that could potentially be difficult allows each person to feel comfortable authentically expressing themselves.
This list is not an exhaustive one. There are various other reasons to start couples therapy that weren’t included and they’re all valid. These are just a few that maybe aren’t always thought of or considered.
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