Have you considered that some of your behaviors and quirks didn’t actually start with with you?
I think it’s safe to assume that, to some degree, we have been influenced by our parents. Obviously through genetics and our looks, but also through behavior and the nurturing we were given (or weren’t).
So, in what ways have our parents and their relationships influenced us and the ways we show up In ours today? Whether we like it or not or want to own this truth or not, the fact remains that we have inevitably taken on more than we’d like from them.
As humans we try to anticipate and prepare to avoid danger and hurt, but when it comes to relationships, in doing so, we fall into possible self-sabatoge.
We end up creating and having to play out the very thing we’re working so hard to avoid. This is why it’s important to do the self-work around our triggers and understand the impact our past has on us.
Here are some possible ways that your family, upbringing and caretaker’s relationship has impacted how you show up in yours.
Fear of abandonment
The most common way that this shows up is through feeling afraid of your partner leaving or not staying because of what you’ve experienced with or seen in your family. Either because a parent was not around for you or for your other parent.
Lack of trust
Again, feeling as though you can’t depend or lean on your partner. There is a lack of safety or security within the relationship. It might not stem from what’s actually happening, but from what you saw and experienced growing up instead.
Unrealistic expectations
This one can show up as wanting more from your partner than is realistic or putting unrealistic expectations on yourself to show up a certain way in the relationship. For example, thinking that one partner should be the sole provider and not considering whether it makes sense for your family.
Wanting to recreate what you saw
A lot of people struggle with breaking away from what they saw and creating something new. This is why it’s so hard to break cycles or create new habits. Oftentimes, this can tie into unrealistic expectations because it puts the burden on your partner to be what you saw growing up, without honoring who they are already. Another way this can show up is unconsciously recreating negative patterns in your relationship because that’s the only way you’ve seen a relationship operate.
Wanting to avoid what you saw
Again, similar to the previously mentioned, through wanting to avoid, so much pressure is put on being different from what you experienced. Through doing so, it can exhaust the partnership because it doesn’t allow space for things to flow naturally, rather, there’s an emphasis on what shouldn’t happen which can create a tensious and anxious energy.
Repeating cycles
Lastly, repeating cycles. A lot of us will recreate what we saw and experienced whether we want to or not simply because we haven’t done the work to heal and process yet. Because of that, our relationships carry inauthenticity because they’re being dictated by what we saw, what was expected, what is wanted by someone else, rather than what we want, desire or crave to create.
Although these are common and can come up for us in our relationships, it doesn’t mean that we have to stay there. If you’re ready to become a cycle-breaker and take back your power in your life and relationship, click here and schedule a free consult.