What is intimacy? A lot of people reduce it to just sex within the relationship, but intimacy is so much more than that. It’s the closeness between your partner and you. It’s your ability to feel loved and cared for within your relationship.
Sex is a part of intimacy, but it isn’t the end all be all. A lot of couples reduce it to sex because they’ve found that to be one of the only ways to feel close to each other.
What if you could have that closeness in your day-to-day outside of sex? I’m going to detail out 6 signs that indicate that your relationship is fostering more intimacy.
You’re able to place boundaries and feel seen, heard, + respected by your partner
Just like with sex, boundaries are important. They help others around you know your limits and areas of comfort. Boundaries serve as a guide on how you’d like other people to engage and interact with you. Who doesn’t like to be respected, understood and valued? Feeling this way after expressing your needs to your partner can create a feeling of deep care and love (aka intimacy).
You’re able to separate that things your partner does are not always about you
It’s hard to feel close to someone when it feels like you’re constantly being blamed or attacked by them right? Sometimes though, that’s not the case.
Past experiences from relationships to family dynamics can be at the root of interpreting comments or statements made by your partner to mean more than what they are.
If your goal is to create intimacy, assume the best in your partner rather than the worst. Don’t jump in believing that their intentions were to be mean or hurtful and if it feels that way, express it or ask for clarification.
There is safety and trust in asking for needs, but also understanding when partner cannot meet every need
Intimacy comes from safety, and safety comes from vulnerability. Safety looks like being able to open up about your past, your desires, concerns, wishes, needs and know that you partner can hold space for all those emotions and concerns.
Knowing that your partner is able to show up for you is important, but it’s just as important to know that sometimes, they can’t and that’s ok. Understanding has to be reciprocal. Wanting to be there for one another and showing up for each other looks like being open enough to ask for what you need, but also being ok with not being able to get that at times.
This goes back to number 2 (see above). If your partner can’t show up for you in the way that you want them to, it probably isn’t about you. Get curious about understanding one another on a deeper level and asking questions that help to provide understanding and insight. All of this safety and vulnerability leads to incredible intimacy.
You’re relationship is able to have a balance between comfort, friendship, stability vs. playfulness, mystery, lust
Esther Perel, a well-known relationship therapist, talks about this idea that intimacy and eroticism within relationships is maintained through having mystery, playfulness and lust.
At the inception of relationships, there is plenty of this because things are new and exciting. However, because it’s new and there isn’t history, there is a lack of comfort, friendship, and stability, which are also essential to intimacy. Once two partners have been together for a long time, there is plenty of comfort, and stability, but the mystery and playfulness is gone.
The problem is that, both are necessary for a lasting intimacy. That’s why intentional time as a couple is important to do new and exciting things together and creating intimacy in doing things that help you bond and stay connected.
There is a flirting + foreplay that happens outside of the bedroom
Oh, you thought foreplay was just for the bedroom huh? I’m here to tell you that it’s not! There are tons of ways to create sexual and emotional closeness and intimacy that don’t necessarily need to involve sex.
Sex and intimacy are about connection. Although sex alone can create a connection, it’s not enough to sustain an entire relationship. Here are some ways to maintain and emphasize connection, playfulness, and mystery with your partner:
Sexy and playful texts throughout day
Inviting touches + looks that signal desire
Using words and tones (whispering, saying things close to skin, kisses, etc.) throughout the day
All of these things are inviting intimacy through playfulness, mystery, lust, etc. These actions serve as a primer for connection through sexual intimacy.
You’re prioritizing each other and the relationship
I don’t know about you, but nothing is sexier than my partner making me feel like #1. A huge part of feeling loved is knowing that your partner has your back. Likewise, being a team means that we take care of each other and listen to what us a unit needs to thrive.
Talk about what it looks like to prioritize one another, what’s needed to make it happen, and areas that can be improved when it comes to that. Not only will this create a deep understanding and fulfillment with each other, but it’s another way to practice vulnerability and increase intimacy.
I hope these were helpful! If you’re interested in getting to true vulnerability with your partner, schedule a free consult with me.